Bottom

If I let you, you would make me destroy myself
In order to survive you, I must first survive myself
And I can sink no further and I cannot forgive you

There's no choice but to
confront you
engage you
Erase you

I've gone to great lengths
to expand my threshold of 
pain

I will use my mistakes against you

There's no other choice

Shameless now
Nameless now
Nothing now 
No one now

But my soul must be IRON
Cause my fear is Naked
I'm naked and fearless
and my fear is 

NAKED

DOWN INSIDE

NAMELESS NOW
SHAMELESS NOW
NOTHING NOW
NOONE NOW

shit adds up

as you see me 
NAKED NOW
FEARLESS NOW
NAKED NOW 
FEARLESS NOW

SHIT ADDS UP

IT LEAVES ME DOWN INSIDE

Tool - Bottom Album Undertow

Rusty

Written by Chris Cornell. 

You wired me awake 
And hit me with a hand of broken nails 
You tied my lead and pulled my chain 
To watch my blood begin to boil 

But I'm gonna break 
I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run 
Yeah I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run 

Too cold to start a fire 
I'm burning diesel burning dinosaur bones 
I'll take the river down to still water 
And ride a pack of dogs 

But I'm gonna break 
I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run 
Yeah I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run 

Hits like a Phillips head 
Into my brain 
It's gonna be too dark 
To sleep again 
Cutting my teeth on bars and rusty chains 
I'm gonna break my Rusty cage and run 

When the forest burns 
Along the road 
Like God's eyes 
In my headlights 
When the dogs are looking 
For their bones 
And it's raining icepicks 
On your steel shore 

But I'm gonna break 
I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run 
Yeah I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my 
I'm gonna break my rusty cage and run

Because it is my nature

The Scorpion and the Frog

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

"I could not help myself. It is my nature."

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

The twine unwinds

When does it get insane enough?
Billions of integers, randomly running into each other
Gain and loss
0 and 1
Unique and the same
Maslow
Is self reliance the grail?
When you replace magic and wonder for fact, the box gets smaller
Sublimely twisted
Hauntingly familiar
Watching the script written in days, minutes, seconds
Memories and moments
Here and gone
How many unheard songs?
How many stories?
Fleeting and gone

We're all just killing time...

Aren't we?  It's the ride not the destination, right?  Because we all have the same physical destination?  Life feeds on life, the leading cause of death is being alive and as long as it is a cliche addled diatribe, here's a quote or 2 for you:

Louise:  How did you get here?
Johnny:  Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday...

And, "I've got an infinite number of places to go, the question is where to stay...

Bereft of heart and soul

The more the noise the less the clarity
What is true?
What is pure?
Blaring noisy distractions
It's NEW or AWESOME or WILL MAKE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS DISAPPEAR
Another smoke screen
Trade magic for fact
The illusion of homeostasis
Existence vs living
Make no mistake, we are all dying
The question is, how's your journey?
The destination is the same

Trainwreck

Ever had the feeling that destiny sits in front of you and you catch a fleeting glimpse of the close of the ride and you are not quite sure if you are excited for the finale or incapable of changing course? Watching helplessly or happily.  A fading clarity obscured by the noise of banal reality.  Buy the ticket, take the ride...

What to do with this moment.  

All give and take

Pawing at one another searching for something out of reach

Push and pull

Sweet passion sweat

Ah, the scent, 

the moment 

fleeting and gone

almost there but not quite tangible

reaching deep

almost touched 

all too real

brushed against

and lost again

Walk and weep or queef...

For the previous post...

Now is the time...  Reference Crystal Method.  The more data we have the more noise.  An open mouth with no reception.  Espouse, expose and walk away.  Show up and throw up...  And yet another cliche addled diatribe.  Stay focused, stay true...   You will never regret doing the right thing

Why now?  Why try?  Why not? Play and learn, learn and play or something like that.  Kick or be kicked or is that and be kicked?  It is twisted and reality.  What happens when you contradict your instinct?  (aside - read Instinct vs reason by EAP)  What does that have to do with this?  What doesn't it have to do with it?  Old and tired, tired of being old.  Curse this curse.  Just keep playing until...

The illusion we all buy into.  This transition, this passage, this journey... Countless decisions, actions, reactions, dreams, realities, consequences and reward.  It's all part of the tapestry which we cannot see from a single stitch.  Opportunity cost and surface area.  An inception within reality.  That which is experienced cannot be confirmed or denied.  Our personal deity does not confirm or deny - only witnesses and denotes.  However these moments define our time.  All stumbling to our pre-determined destiny.  Connect the dots along the way.  A wise man once said, "it will not always be like this"  Take it as you will...

Now we re-visit this blog.  Long time, no speak... etc, etc, etc.  For all the that time has past.  The experiences, the beautiful moments, the inner pain and loss, torn between what is expected and the reality of our existence.  Driving through the emotional wreckage of love, loss, happiness and sorrow.  This chance encounter changes everything or was it fate, the random or destiny (at the expense of being redundant) - which in effect represents all of human existence.  The methods we replicate.  The core scenarios are morally irrelevant.  The ends justify the means or is the end, the end? my beautiful friend?  Life feeds on life.  Everyone rushing around.  Distracted, impacted by an endless onslaught of "facts" force fed by an oracle with an agenda.  Are we all casa tabula rosa?  Or imprinted with the blood of cain?  Anyone who tells you the duality of man is a fallacy is either naive or a liar.  Do you realize the fragility of your own existence?  Do you realize what is right and wrong?  How many wrong decisions have been justified?   Lying to yourself does a disservice to your soul.  That part that is within the flesh but only for a time and waiting for the time when it will be free of the physical dimension.  Imagine being an ethereal being trapped in a physical being.  Sitting there with omnipotent knowledge but trapped in a carbon based terminal being that is oblivious or marginally conscious of your presence?  What would you do if all you can do is try to push relevant information into this being's consciousness?  The impenetrable barrier betwixt the physical and ethereal.  Or can we realize our stories (lives) seem to be written reverse and we only become marginally aware of this quasi-symbiotic reality through a glancing view into something we can never clearly define?

Release...

I see the world
Feel the chill
Which way to go
Windowsill
I see the words
On a rocking horse of time
I see the birds in the rain

Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I'll ride the wave
Where it takes me
I'll hold the pain
Release me

Oh dear dad
Can you see me now
I am myself
Like you somehow
I'll wait up in the dark
For you to speak to me
I'll open up
Release me
Release me
Release me
Release me

Time to re-visit, re-animate, revere...

Bill Hicks on Advertising and Marketing

"By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. Thank you, thank you. Just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day they'll take root. I don't know. You try. You do what you can. Kill yourselves. Seriously though, if you are, do. No really, there's no rationalization for what you do, and you are Satan's little helpers, OK? Kill yourselves, seriously. You're the ruiner of all things good. Seriously, no, this is not a joke. "There's gonna be a joke coming..." There's no fucking joke coming, you are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage, you are fucked and you are fucking us, kill yourselves, it's the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. Now, back to the show.

"You know what Bill's doing now, he's going for the righteous indignation dollar, that's a big dollar, a lot of people are feeling that indignation, we've done research, huge market. He's doing a good thing." Godammit, I'm not doing that, you scumbags, quit putting a godamn dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!"

Always happy, always relevant - RIP Bill...

Simple Things

Yes I've run a mile in my head
Didn't listen to the things that you said
But it's the simple things that make you smile
It's the simple things that make you smile

So what went wrong?
Was it me that let you down again?
So what went wrong?
How could I ever lose my best friend?

Cause I've climbed these walls to clear my head
Thought I was something more but I'm a fool instead
But it's the simple things that make you smile
It's the simple things that make you smile

So what went wrong?
Was it me that let you down again?
So what went wrong?
How could I ever lose my best friend?

So what went wrong?
Was it me that let you down again?
So what went wrong?
How could I ever lose my best friend?

But it's the simple things
It's the simple things that make you smile
It's the simple things
It's the simple things that make you smile

But it's the simple things
It's the simple things that make you smile
It's the simple things
It's the simple things that make you smile

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teacher leave them kids alone
Hey teacher leave them kids alone

All in all you're just another brick in the wall
All in all you're just another brick in the wall
In the Wall

Revelations from the late, great Bill Hicks

...The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..."

And we... kill those people.

Ha ha

"Shut him up."

"We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real."

Just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defences each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Lines on Ale - EAP

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious visions clamber
Through the chamber of my brain —
Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies
Come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.